It’s taken us a while to write this one up, but that might be because we’ve been in shock.

Politicians lie, who knew? To be fair, this one is probably down to the civil servants.

UK skis sold ‘across the globe’

Presumably it was a confused pencil pusher at the Department for International Trade who drafted up the faintly ridiculous news release that claimed skiers ‘across the globe’ will be ‘adorned with UK manufactured skis and skiing equipment’.

“Shred some powder”

Graham Stuart, Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State and Minister of Investment, was delighted to have the chance to use the phrase ‘shred some powder’.

The use of this phrase does not at all mean that he is trying too hard.

The world loves British cross-country skis

According to the release, issued on 17 February, cross country skis were the most popular type of skis exported.

They claim £1.6m of cross-country skis were exported and £517,000 downhill skis.

5,000 or 80,000 skis?

Carbon cross country skis retail for as much as £400, so let’s be generous and say these were all bottom-of-the-range skis and the trade price was only £100 each. That would be 16,000 sets of cross-country skis. A similar valuation suggests just over 5,000 pairs of downhill skis.

However, the Department for International Trade claimed that a worryingly precise 83,336 pairs of skis were exported.

A quick stab at the calculator suggests an average price of £25 for each set of skis.

‘Huge demand from Australian skiers’

We would love to know where you can buy any skis for £25. Even ex-hire kit at the end of the season goes for more than this.

Apparently, there is ‘huge demand from Australian skiers’ for our amazing value British skis. If only we could get that at the price over here as well…

Note: We contacted the Department for International Trade asking them to comment, but as yet they have not replied.